Seeking motivation

After a great pause in posts, I have to explain.  I bore myself writing about the day-to-day stuff.  Writing cannot be dull or I won’t give it any time out of my day.  This, however, has been on my mind for a while so it seems like a relevant topic for discussion.

I've been counting down to my year marker.  I don't really know why.  Maybe because it will all seem less extreme if I have actually survived living in a foreign country for a year.  Clearly, if I haven't left yet, I'm going to make it all the way, but I don't know.  It's still difficult to believe. 

This was not a path I ever envisioned myself to follow.  I still have moments when I look around in wonder, surprised at my adventurous side.  However, most of the time living feels like it always does.  I’ll always view this life through the same eyes.  Life is just a series of getting out of bed and allowing the time to pass by with your chosen method.  It continues in Richmond.  It continues in Namibia.

They told us we'd start questioning why we're here about this time.  Luckily, I have about 300 students to remind me why I'm here.  But with all the terrorism and racial protests and shootings going on, I'm beginning to wonder what impact I could possibly have on a world that seems so intent on being a**holes, forgive my speech. 

I’m not questioning my service.  I’m questioning my greater purpose.  How do I stay optimistic and retain the belief that what I do and say matters?

Well, this post is dedicated to self-motivation.  It’s a reminder that I’ve got to keep chugging along, whether I’m moving uphill or gliding down effortlessly.

I think maybe the challenge of year 26 is my new found realization that I will never give myself a break after this.  I will always feel a social responsibility to teach or lead as an example.  Their watching eyes never blink and I am continuously in the spotlight.  I thought this was just a part of the job but apparently it is a part of being alive. 

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

How many times do we repeat that statement?  It’s a bit cliché for me in this field.  Yet, I’ve decided to use it as my next essay topic in class. 

I have been using what is happening in America as lessons for my 8^th graders; the Orlando shooting and the racial killings.  I use them because my emotion in the lesson is palpable.  I have pain in my heart as I tell them what is happening at home; my home.  They can see that in me and I believe feelings can teach better than copying sentences.

A 40 minute lesson doesn't seem adequate to teach my learners to be loving and kind.  I committed to trying though.  Try I will.

I told them of the injustices against our minorities under the law.  I told them about the killings of men who did not deserve to die because of a general fear and divide amongst the police and their citizens. 

My learners are no strangers to racism.  Perhaps it helps them grasp the reality of the world to see a powerful nation, such as our own, succumbing to the same insane issues that they have known being raised in a post-apartheid Southern Africa.  I certainly feel a connection to them.  It doesn’t matter where you were born; we’re the same people facing the same issues.

I don’t want my children to default operate on “an eye for an eye.”  I want them to also know non-violence and love.  The choice always belongs to them in the end, but they should have an honest exposure to both and know the true capacities of human nature. 

Our focus has been on ISIS and extremists these days.  We are constantly thinking of the bad.  Where are our beacons of hope and inspiration at such times?

                                                                                        

Have we already forgotten the teachings of Martin Luther King Jr.?  Mahatma Gandhi?  Have we elevated these men to the status of saints?  Forgotten that we all have the same power and strength within our own hearts? 

They are not my superiors.  They are my equals.  They believed in our goodness.  They didn’t hate their attackers and they didn’t think those who opposed them deserved to die.

I am the raindrop falling into the river.  I am insignificant, yet, essential to the cause.  I may not be leading a nation in peaceful protests, but I learned a thing or two from them and will pass those lessons on where I can.

I will continue living the way I want the world to live.  Not because I’ve joined the Peace Corps but because I feel personally responsible for the mark I leave on everything I touch. 

As a human, I will never be perfect.  I am a first year teacher and I screw up.  I do feel worthy of the responsibility placed in my hands, though.  I love talking with the kids and making them smile.

Just this week, a learner asked me what I wanted to be when I was a child.  I listed off my archeologist, astronaut, pilot, and rockstar phases.  Then, I told him that, most comically, a teacher was never something I had considered.  Naturally, he wanted to know how I ended up in his classroom.

My answer?  I just believe it is where I am meant to be.

I’m not big on fate and I wouldn’t choose to use that word here.  However, it’s rather strange to note that at precisely the time when the world rears its ugly head and makes me feel like I’m completely powerless, I find myself as a mentor and role model to a few hundred vulnerable teens.

If anyone else has been feeling like I do, find comfort in the fact that I am one person who cares.  We're not alone as we try to make the world a better place.